Marriage Retreat

There’s almost always a deeper issue underneath every fight between couples.

That may seem like a bold statement but it was our take-away from the marriage retreat we attended this week.

Sam and I were lucky enough to snag a spot on the roster for a marriage retreat hosted at Edelweiss Resort in the German Alps. It couldn’t have been in a better location! The area was absolutely beautiful and we enjoyed our free time by appreciating it to the fullest either by sitting in a cozy lounge with a relaxing glass of wine and gazing out the giant windows as the sun set or by going out for a long walk to the village square and snuggling together among the twinkle lights strung along the ice rink. Christmas time is so magical and wonderful!

Both of us have been tremendously blessed to have grown up in families where marriage was respected and cherished, it was talked about as a gift that shouldn’t be held lightly. So we naturally took it very seriously when we got married. We read books to learn more about what it means to be committed to each other and learn what each of us need and/or desire from marriage. We had marriage counseling throughout our engagement and have tried to absorb all the information we can since the “I Do’s” were said, to enhance and develop that foundation.

With that being said, not much of what we heard from the Wednesday evening to Friday morning conference was new to us. And I’m genuinely thankful for that because it means we’ve been exposed to a lot already and maybe have just a bit of a head start compared to other couples who have only been married for one and a half years. (That doesn’t mean that those who DID get a lot of new things out of the conference have a worse marriage than us or aren’t as committed to having a fantastic marriage. It just means they’re in a different stage. Also, I’m totally excited for them if they did learn a lot because now they have more of a framework for building a deeper relationship!)

What we were reminded of was that almost every argument or issue that comes to the surface (typically through arguments in our case..and in most cases I’ve gathered) is because of an essential need that is not being met, ie. love, respect, acceptance, trust, control, etc.

For example: if the husband throws his laundry all over the floor instead of into the basket over and over, despite being asked to do otherwise, the wife can feel like he doesn’t love her because he isn’t putting just a tiny bit of effort into doing a simple task that she wants. On the other side, a husband can feel disrespected if the wife is constantly criticizing everything he does, even if it is something as simple as putting leftovers into the fridge.

There are fundamental needs that each individual has, those needs must be met by the daily in’s and out’s of mundane life in order for the marriage to grow deeper and stronger.

That lesson grows in importance the more I dwell on it! Thanks, God, for helping me to desire a stronger bond with my husband and being willing to learn so that I can be a better wife!

Other than that pretty big lesson, we mostly enjoyed the time away from home that we didn’t have to plan! If I’ve learned anything being an Army wife it’s that quality time together is EXTREMELY difficult to get and Army life, in general, is anything but relaxing.

Anyway…it was fabulous that the only thing we had to do was pack our bags and make sure we made it to the bus pick-up spot on time! The rest was taken care of by the Chaplain corp! We got to read books and watch our TV show together during the four-hour drive to and from Edelweiss, the schedule was set, the resort paid for, hot-tub turned on, and mountains majestically displayed all around us. I’m fairly certain that the best part about the retreat for us was simply retreating from our normal schedule, in a low-stress situation, where we could reconnect and have some meaningful conversation.